Back in college I had what I thought was the ultimate Halloween costume, as a housewife who gets up in the morning, complete with facial cream that made me break out a bit.
I guess I was wrong, as for the weekend costume parties, I reprised that role for the first time in decades by getting ready in minutes — and this time I felt it showed — and adding a dog leash as a necklace and a blouse for a skirt. I did this by pulling it up tight, even though it was difficult getting it past my formitable hips, but this did leave a big flap that dragged down to my knees, making me inadvertently and inaccurately look well endowed. The combination attracted attention everywhere I went.
But back to that first time I went in drag. I had curlers in my hair and an ugly bonnet. I had pink bloomers and a girdle. I had a camisole top and garish pink robe. I put on cross country ski boots to change up the look, complimented by rolled up nylons. The camisole top would not behave, as one of the straps was always flopping down and just could not be fixed. So in stepped my roommate Tony with the suggestion that I simply go as a tease.
Tony also came into play with the shtick I used at a party that night. We were also accompanied by friend Denise, who went as a Playboy bunny, and those two often went off by themselves (go figure!) I took advantage of that opportunity to approach some beautiful women with a well rehearsed mantra complete with squeaky voice that went loosely like this: I am wondering if you could help me. See my husband over there with that hottie? He never pays that kind of attention to me and we haven’t had sex for months. Can you give me any suggestions? (I did get a garter from a French maid, but that didn’t capture Tony’s interest either).
One more Tony reference and then I am done with this long-winded story. He dared me to approach yet another female friend and jokingly ask if she would consider a lesbian encounter with me. But she really got the last laugh when pouring her beer on a strategically placed part of my already thin bloomers, and there wasn’t much left to the imagination.
But last weekend, the yuks started the moment I strolled into the first stop, Seasons Tavern. I had no sooner walked in the door and owner Brad took one look, covered his eyes while leaving a gap between his fingers, and wailed “No! No!” People saw me coming up the way and had looked for only a second or two and already there were broad smiles. They regularly asked me just what the heck my costume was. I told them I started as going for the whole housewife thing, but strayed away. Many said they thought I was actually a doctor, or even a nurse. I could see that, I think.
What I couldn’t see as readily was later when the bouncer at Dick’s asked me to cover up a little more with my unbuttoned robe. I complied as best I could by wrapping my chain around it and we both had a good laugh.
But back to this weekend, as yes, there are other costumes to describe, not just mine. Friday and Sunday kind of tanked, but there were even more people than usual out in the middle, on Saturday night, both in costume and out, and legions of them were out-of-town, new faces. To wit:
— The costume party winner at Dick’s was none other then a Kenny Rogers lookalike, and I mean lookalike, right down to the perfectly coiffed whiteish hair and top-to-bottom dress of a country super-star.
— The third place winner was, as he was dubbed by someone in the crowd Gay Deadpool, although he had to trade in a sword for a couple of flyswatters for his upper back, because of house safety rules.
— Sexy was definitely in for one of the bartenders, who sported a thong maillot that left little to the imagination for both her butt and breasts.
— Of course there was at least one evil clown, who showed up early and attracted attention at one of the bars, then made a name for himself also by pushing his face against the window at Rio Loco and teasing the people at the inside table.
— The ex-military man (a sniper, great past job for Halloween) who can now for the first time have a mohawk with colorful pink hair, for the days before Halloween only, changed it up for bright orange hair on the last of those days.
— At Pudge’s was a lifesize mummy decoration who was wrapped so tight with what looked like thick toilet paper that there was nary an inch of skin to be seen, or even eyes.
— My bet for best inadvertent Halloween-themed garb is the TV ad pitch person who has hair that makes him look like a Chia pet. And we thought prior to his reformation day, The Donald was bad.
— I also saw a T-shirt asking with a checklist what was your Halloween costume of choice. The last option was a nudist. Uhm, wasn’t the whole idea of nudity that you don’t have a costume?

Lastly, at Village Liquor, there was an again lifesize Jack in the beanstalk display hawking booze that featured a headpiece with a theme of, you guessed it, Halloween.

And if you really want to get spooked during trick-or-treating, come by the haunted house at Cherry Circle, just off of Fourth Street in North Hudson. Just don’t look up on the roof, unless you are very brave.

Yes Halloween is (unfortunately) on a Wednesday, which might typically put a damper on holiday costume parties at bars, but happily and creepily it has not turned out that way. There are parties to be hit all over this weekend, and the following is the spread-all-over-time primer on only the best haunts to go to and maybe even more importantly on those days that are bookends, you can max out if staying in costume and in character for more than one or two days. If not specified otherwise, the parties are on the more typically scheduled before-Halloween Saturday night. Friday its Guv’s Place and the Village Inn across the street in North Hudson, and the Bungalow Inn in Lakeland, and on Sunday night, which will not be a day of rest, Pudge’s does the trick.
— The name on the marquee at The Village Inn in North Hudson says it all: Feature boos, band and booze. The band is a transplant from Chetek called simply Sage, and its always good to see western Wisconsin talent, not just the proliferation of cover bands coming out of the Twin Cities. Bartender Sue is from that area and she kept the arrangements moving forward and is bringing all her people in for a night, and there are a lot of them. She knows how to party, as do her mates, so this should really be a party!
— The official name of the Halloween costume party at Season’s Tavern on Saturday night has been dubbed The Boo Bash! The North Hudson venue also will again feature Thirsty Camel for music, and owner Brad on the drums said their decades-old following has been aided by the fact that they are just a very good ‘ol rock and roll band. And the more people who show up in costume, the more they increase the cash value of their prizes, so you and your mates basically have some control over how much you can win! Costume judging is at 11 p.m.
— At Guv’s Place in North Hudson, the costume party is Friday night, with Kyle Kohila picking solo on the guitar, in what has been a tradition at Guv’s, both the old and new place. In what is also a tradition, the place is decorated up the hilt with scary creatures, courtesy of owner Jess, whose favorite holiday by far is Halloween, and it shows. Even their Facebook page currently has as the lead photo a monster with fantastic spooky eyes. She also is often behind the bar, and she wouldn’t mind at all if you quiz her about her themes. Even looking at all those big and elaborate costumes hanging halfdead from the high ceiling is worth the price of admission (uhm, oh yeah, its free).
— Dick’s Bar and Grill also has live music as a part of their party, and in a different twist offers two judgings for their costume contests, a tradition of the prejudging relatively early then another one — the main attraction — at the more conventional time, so the party basically goes on all night (with the band coming on early evening, followed by a deejay) and you have two chances to win cash prizes, to boot. And at Dick’s, which like for all holidays has literally hundreds of small but interesting goolies hanging from the ceiling, as there is strength in numbers, always has many more people show up in costume then most venues. And that earlier featured band has a name you have to love, The Other Baldwins. Costume judging is between 11:30 p.m. and the witching hour of midnight.
— The Bungalow Inn adds something possibly scary to the mix, and not having a band or deejay, you can be holiday specific with you selections by singing karaoke! We recommend Spooky Little Girl Like You by Atlanta Rhythm Section and of course Thriller by Michael Jackson.
— Casanova Liquors is having a prohibition-style shindig in the caves behind the place. (Hey, there’s a creepy-ness to all the rock formations to be seen). But, you won’t want to go all-into-prohibition-style restrictions, as when being exposed to these frights, you just might need a beer!
— At Pudge’s, the costume party and party as a whole for the first time is upstairs, which was the subject of a recent extreme remodeling, as befits the holiday, as you are either all in or not in at all. The limestone facade just adds to the quasi-creepyness, and this takes you way back to when this was one of the first buildings in Hudson, and the city has been around for a while. And when they were doing this huge remodel, they ran into some suspiciously dead looking things that were unearthed. You might want to ask about this, as a conversation starter with Halloween just around the corner, over a shot or two.
Two places that unlike some have not been around for decades (new blood?) get an honorable mention nod. The Smilin’ Moose is the granddad of highest costume cash (think the creepy old man in Texas Chainsaw Massacre), if you can tolerate all the young but sometimes cool punks from The Cities who have been drinking, and Woody’s in Bayport although a short distance away on Friday has a total of nine different qualifying positions, (all getting prizes), in three rounds prior to awarding the grand prize.