Big fireworks? Especially if you find out you’re a father!
– Rock radio station 93X is teaming with Hudson’s Settler’s Liquor to sponsor tickets for a big, floating-party cruise on the St. Croix River over the Fourth of July. The promos that target a Twin Cities audience have been frequent, and unlike some on the radio touting this area as a destination — apparently for geographically challenged stoners — at least didn’t say that to get here all you must do is venture past Woodbury. Things are apparently different in that ‘burb. It makes one recall the time at Woody’s in Bayport where a man turned down a second drink, and a friend made the throat slash motion to indicate that he’d cut himself off, then said: “He’s dry. He’s from Woodbury.”
– But for floating mega-parties, nothing beats the one with several huge cruisers roped together on the St. Croix near — aptly — Beer Can Island, which allegedly feature better fireworks than most municipalities, rock bands and also virtually anything else you might want. An acquaintance named Nate said invites are hard to score, but that he’d get me one so I could “cover” it as a journalist, providing I use some discretion in just what I write. Alas, the local newspaper said no dice, since such a report might steal the thunder from city officials as far as the fireworks display they sponsor.
One other reason, to take Nate up on his offer? He insists that someone who would fit right into such a scene, actress Pamela Anderson, became a family friend before Baywatch fame when traveling here to have her taxes done each year. She still visits on occasion. Makes the whole Mary Anne vs. Ginger thing seem blase, eh?
– Lastly for the Fourth, one of those ads you see on the wall above the bathroom urinal made a pitch for lining up their commercial fireworks display for your party. It listed all kinds of occasions to celebrate, including divorces! Yep, bet that could cause some fireworks, if they weren’t had already. And I won’t even get into the possibilities for the category “weddings.”
– But moving on to skewer yet another holiday. On Father’s Day, Kozy Korner in North Hudson ran a sign saying that dads would be offered a free drink. Which is great, but made some of us wonder: Would you need to prove that you’re someone’s father to get it? Say, by supplying results of a paternity test? Or, getting out the dozens of pictures of your dozen children in your wallet, and showing them annoyingly until the bartender says in exasperation, take this drink and go, please?
Another actual bartender had her own — funnier — Dad’s Day story. She said jokingly that when she had gotten up in the morning, there was a man in her bed, and upon waking she smiled and said, “Happy Father’s Day!” He allegedly sprung into action even faster than the previous night, and was out the door before she could even get his phone number or address — or see the pictures of his dozen other children!
– Lastly, here’s a guy you want on your rec basketball team, and possibly in your office tournament pool to reduce the odds. Rich, a near seven-footer, had an NBA tryout, and he’s usually very good at assessing talent. But he said that during the recent NCAA tourney, he lost a few bucks here and there on small wagers when he picked the wrong squad.
But here’s a guy who really has game. He was watching his favorite team at Guv’s Place in Houlton with a baseball hat that on the front had a Gamecock prominently displayed — in a way that I’m not even going to go into.

Wednesday, July 3rd, 201310:09 amThis entry was posted on at and is filed under Notes from the Beat. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.