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he says, and goes fishing with the boys. She says, then goes to the middle of Texas, inviting her mates to a ranch/villa built for the ages. The bachelor and bachelorette parties were on the same night, but though very different, they had some things in common … like the snakes, at least three kinds, to avoid. (None with exotic dancer.) But they did not avoid each other, completely. He made a phone call …

What do fishing, a Texas ranch, snakes of various types, eating either and only fine food or snacks, and a game of cards — likely just one — have in common.

And no strippers or Chippendales. Or cowboy or cowgirl hats. Although there was some dress up.

It’s an easy answer, connected and conflicting, but not in all or dirty ways, bachelor and bachelorette parties. One of each on the same day. (Or night). So obviously, you can only go to one. Even if they have the same starting time.

Go fish. Not if you don’t have a license(s). Or call it a game of pick up 52, (in case you’ve imbibed too much.)

Where do we go to do this? There are only 50 states and two relatively safe adjoining countries and a few miscellaneous adjoining, if you don’t count seas, official territories, to choose from. So you go to opposite ends, girl and the boys, north and south, as in Texas and northern Wisconsin.

The south one at a ranch. Or should I call it a villa big enough to fill many medium-size states, (as a song says, the Titanic fits inside), and this is Texas. The north was at a fishing hole and adjoining shack with real and natural fish, the kind that aren’t transplanted there in a big box held by a crane, I think. Yes the girls had their own artificial lake, just don’t dip in your toe, as this water contains water moccasins that bite harder than those Texan shots. With the guys, they only caught small fish, and rather it was largely playing card games and eating and trying to maintain chips and such, read that literally, as in your stomach. I just hope that one of them plastered an Ace of Spades against one of their foreheads at some point. After all, this is a bachelor party. Oh, the girls shuffled their cards too, with their games, but what they ate was more like caviar, I think, and it was catered in. As there were other snakes outside, Texas venomous kind. Only little garter snakes that wish to swim, maybe, are what are found in the up-where-they-were in the Land of 12,000 Lakes, it could be called, in this case only the top thousand to be considered for their boats. It was way too far to haul them to The Boundary Waters of Minnesota.

In any case, the girls were given — by a rep of the girl who invited them, who has relatives with massive wealth — a summation of what to be careful for. Forgive us. Now go enjoy.

And call your future significant other. See how that card game is going. And make sure there are no strippers cavorting. There were none at the bachelor party that I didn’t have thrown for me, since there wasn’t enough time. That’s OK, bro. The fun wedding was enough.

And yes, one of the partially-partying girls followed suit and accepted an engagement request of her own shortly afterward. Good choice. You’ll be doing this again very shortly.

But between the grouped-together B parties there is a wedding — not to mention all the B parties that are birthdays. And engagements also require future invitations. 

Maybe one to announce, but hey, another to fully invite. Gotta have photos on the back. Of each. No garter yet. That is for the … Nevermind.

For example of things of interest, they say they are issuing this, together with their (your) or (our) families. And kindly RSVP. Exactly? Promptly? Precisely? And like her? Or just like a German? Only one RSVP uses a scanning box. Or says “celebrate their” marriage. Or the church (yes there is one, and yes it has been long known) and other venues (one with an interesting and odd inviting spelling). And the exact date spelled out, as well as the year. The state is spelled out, literally,

But where there are two things, they will have the exact same style. Like the color (basically) and font choice(s) and for the main words their point size, for you typography junkies, and I assume there are at least one or two going to the wedding. Or maybe together as a couple? Will that marriage last?  We know this one will, as we are certain the father of the bride will go body surfing on the dance floor and let those high-heeled ones climb aboard. And the same way to select, are the two first names of the spouses linked together in the online invite RSVP. I won’t tell you if there is a hyphen. 

Or if, as I have to think about it, if I will follow up with a story about other earlier bachelor parties? Much juicier … 

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