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Wacky ways weighed-in-on from western Wisconsin and to the west

This is slightly embellished entertainment news of the weird from western Wisconsin and beyond, if you choose to believe it:
— Noticed that those pesky yellow pedestrian-crossing placards are back, looking like big bumble bees, at the midpoint of intersections in downtown Hudson and elsewhere? And have you noticed that they are covered with smudge marks from being struck by car bumpers? Well as far as that goes, local, state, federal, international, interplanetary and intergallactic law enforcement agencies have teamed together to mark the signs’ return by awarding the thousandth motorist to hit one with an honorary plaque that it should be noted is much smaller than the placards themselves.
— Now that same-sex marriage is legal in Minnesota, and that more and more pro athletes are coming out as being gay, I wonder if there will be far fewer athletes who are Vikings, Twins or Timberwolves making the same choice as quarterback Christian Ponder and running to the (Wisconsin) border and across to get married? And after all, isn’t that practice much the same as eloping, and does that count?
— The Zebra Mussels band was slated to play at Guv’s Place in Houlton, but even though they had to cancel, I was told there was a last-minute fill-in, sort of. Here’s how the story goes: You’ve heard that the exotic mussels were found on the barges that were to be part of construction of the new Stillwater bridge? Well they moved from the St. Croix River’s bottom muck and got into the Houlton water supply, then made their way a bit to the east — just far enough to clog the water pipes in the basement at Guv’s Place!
— Minnesota officials have moved their target of stepped-up holiday OWI patrolling from the highway to the St. Croix River, with the idea being to remove so many boaters from the waters that there would be no need to raise the lift bridge at frequent intervals and stall holiday (auto) traffic. That and so many of the temporarily stalled motorists were taking a desperate pee into the ever-pristine river that water quality was being eroded.
— Minnesota is considering a significant hike in its tax on wine, liquor and beer. That means that if you are a Hudsonite and want to patronize someplace like Woody’s in Bayport, you might end up paying a fair amount more. (When I was over there and asked to sign a form letter to Minnesota legislators, and give my city and state address, it was automatically assumed for me and had the letters “MN” typed in. Does this mean my vote would still count? Also, this measure would give Minnesotans yet another reason to run across the Wisconsin border to drink. That and the recent legislative proposal to allow off-sale of liquor in Minnesota on Sundays would change people’s patterns, and between the two considerations, Gopher State lawmakers say they are planning to take advantage by building a tax-free, liquor superstore right at the Lakeland exit.
— Speaking of superstores, one for outdoor and sporting goods is planned for Rogers, just north of the Twin Cities. The media over there has a history of mixing up and accidentally interchanging Rogers and Roberts, which of course is in Wisconsin. As big into the outdoors as people are in this area, it made big news, and of course they got the town where it is being built wrong again. So much so that construction was begun and all the footings laid before anyone caught the mistake!

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