Forget pointed ears, there are points on Kirk’s nose, and points to be made about what’s in the little First Officer’s room:

— OK, this is enough to make you want to put your phasers on stun. A scratch, we assume, on the longtime pinball machine at Dick’s Bar and Grill, if you look closely enough, makes it appear that Captain Kirk — not the William Shatner version, God forbid — has a nose piercing. The likeness of the late Mr. Spock has none; wouldn’t be logical. The machine that is a recent replacement features the Walking Dead, another theme with altered facial features.
If that wasn’t enough, one of the Two Gingers in a flyer in the men’s bathroom at the Smilin’ Moose also appears to have such a piercing etched in by a patron (and the other Ginger has been given braces).
There is Green and Gold tiling, fittingly, in the men’s room at the Village Inn in North Hudson, and we assume in the lady’s room as well, although we do not know that firsthand. Just as the women didn’t know until now what is to be seen in the men’s version.
Also, the Dick’s mens restroom appears to have gone old school. The toilet paper dispenser is closed by a metal piece that resembles a buckle you’d see on an old suitcase. And an antique-looking, plated metal towel dispenser had for a while been set up on the wall, and an electrical cord that ran it allowed a roar that has caused at least one patron to jump back in surprise. Maybe that’s what caused the guy to leave his Jagermeister hat lying alone on the floor of the men’s can.
But back to the Smilin’ Moose, they and Green Mill and Buffalo Wild Wings, especially, get kudos for being a bar and grill and still being family friendly enough to have diaper changing apparatus in the restrooms. And, in the men’s bathroom at the Smilin’ Moose there is the draw, such as it is, of having a reflective plastic sheet on one wall of the john, which means you can see your feet reflected while doing your business.
Two other notes of bathroom humor: Pennies have been seen near the bottom of a couple of local urinals, balancing precariously on a thin metal bar between the porcelain but not dropping completely to the bottom of the drain, which means they’re not exactly pennies that fell from heaven; and on one of the ad sites above a urinal, someone defaced the logo and said that this Twin Cities contractor did, shall we say, shoddy work. That caused another patron to write a note saying that heading his list of least favorite things are whiners who write graffiti and, of course, those who compulsively make lists. Do as I say, not as I do.
— A sign on the marquee of the Hudson House Grand Hotel welcomed who we just have to assume are the ultimate convention-going partiers, members of the state Holstein association. There is no truth to the rumor that when the “entertainers” did not show up because of the extreme cold, there was utter dismay.
— Sometimes, a server has to “step up,” as in get a bottle of vintage stuff that’s stacked up nearly as high as the ceiling. So I joked with bartender Bobbie, why not hire newly acquired Timberwolf Kevin Garnett, who stands 7-foot-1, to assist with such “top shelf” stuff? She thought that was a good idea. Moreso than when she and another bartender both told me that I snuck in so quietly that they didn’t know I was there. To which I replied, I could have ventured in less like a little mouse and more like one of those gnarly, 30-pound African rodents.
— A regular patron downtown apparently was perplexed by what to do, or not to do, on the evening of a recent holiday, that being Ash Wednesday. He said he was not that familiar with Catholicism, and wasn’t sure if he should mention that ashen cross on her forehead, or if it was something he should try to wipe off, or just let the matter drop entirely. If it had been a day earlier, traditionally Fat Tuesday, the social rules as they involve beads would have been more cut and dried, even though again virtually no one locally participated in that facet.
— Two people who did participate, but in a different kind of ritual, were a boy-and-girl couple who took in a Jeff Loven rock show when it was their birthdays. Yes plural, as both were born on the same date and for the second straight year celebrated, in part, with the one-man-band.
— Also celebrating were hoards of people on Valentine’s Day, which it happens was on a Saturday. A couple or two who work at Dick’s were dressed up like the Roarin’ 20s while at the Smilin’ Moose, which means they have been together for how long? And on a nearby street curb was seen a sprig of mistletoe, although it was stuffed down on a bed of ice that would make kissing unworkable. Better to try the sprig draped over a moose’s antlers when you enter the lower level of Season’s Tavern.
— When the Dweebs took the stage at that V-Day place, the Smilin’ Moose the other weekend, they let loose a string of dozens of rolls of toilet paper. But in recent concerts there, which were even prior to the flooding of free-flowing paper, a couple of patrons could be seen with the TP on their shoes as they left the bathroom. Now, who’s the dweeb?
— Not anyone who stands really, really tall. At that performance, there were two stunning women together who were more than six-feet tall and wore high heels to boot. Where’s the late Ronnie James Dio, that lover of blondes over 72 inches who had played Ozzfest locally, when you need him?
— Yes, she’s shorter, but we still love her. American Idolist Kat Perkins has been giving shows to the Armed Forces overseas, which makes some local fans who’ve seen her play here wonder when we in Hudson will again be on par with Iraq or Afghanistan?