An ongoing CNN series on the history of the sitcom had this to say: When things get more serious, Americans get silly. So here goes more gallows humor. Is this me being warm and fuzzy, with forked tongue or that utensil stuck in it, and would that lead to another infection? So ever listen to Pantera and their version of tough love? It takes all kinds, especially in today’s world.
So here‘s my take, again, on The Ways Of The World, that I hope will bring a sort of dark-humor cheer. I just hope I don’t go for that wide open neck that has a jugular, as rigidly as say, Stephen Colbert.
The new form of fake ID is to prove not your age, but your vaccination or testing status, as these figments of fictionalizing your position are popping up in many places. And we can’t say this one is from us being, geographically, close to the border But south of the border? From Canada? Can we learn a thing or two?.
And could we pump up the prize that’s an incentive for getting a shot, by offering a shot when going out in the areas where masks are needed most, pull one down and scarf up a chaser of whiskey? I do realize that these days, a free drink like the one your favorite barkeep used to throw toward a regular like you, so they could throw one back on the house, went out the window in about 2007 – remember what happened then!
But bring back the banana brigade, that is like the one that got you inside Dibbo’s for free back in the day, as a form of charity to replace the fourth stimulus check, but I’m afraid would only be allowable if you got tested first. Or twice, as in a Friday-Saturday night.
Could hospitals that are less taxed by the virus, if only to a degree, like those up our way, fill in some of the slack? But if those chose to be this noble, would people rebel, with a pushback like that seen when Hudson weighed in on becoming a sorta super sanctuary city? Think that would have out-strapped capacity for services. And then add on Haiti and Afghanistan.
It is kind of fitting that the place the Delta variant is making the most headway is a place where there is indeed a delta, and because of lack of vaccinations a state of emergency – the state of Louisiana. And in India, where the new Delta variant got much of its start, there is New Delhi. Lord knows, it might be safer there now.
A new school of thought on schools where there should be such thought. The School of Rock should disallow body surfing if not vaccinated. And this time around upping the ante to provide enforcement, by bringing in security by the Hell’s Angels, is a legitimate need. Does their leather mandate apply to masks? Only symbolic death at the death metal concert.
Another school going all out gonzo in their take on whether masks should be mandatory. After, and maybe because of, such a long run at the box office, the Old School superheros will soon retire from the rigors of film-making, instead setting up their own all-star academy to teach the lessons learned from all those sequels to those who will pick up the torch and run with it. But all will be required to wear masks, whether in the classroom or more likely, doing their good deeds out on the street, saving the world in two different ways over which to marvel. That mandate goes 24/7, as you never know when a damsel will be in distress. And who is in a better position to lead social distancing by example then Spiderman, who isn’t near anyone when swinging between skyscrapers. But as far as vaccinations? This is the one thing Ironman could not get done, as his unpierceable skin is obviously made of, what? Metal.
And not matter what your status of “motivation” is at concerts, forget about pulling off your panties, and even more importantly, don’t you dare throw your mask at the lead singer. A saving grace involving the lotsa people at Lollapalooza, most of those singers are just too scrawny and aren’t that hot anyway.
The kill count from the Deer District crowding is rising, surpassing that of the November hunt even though we’re not to that month yet. Need more of the doe than dough, feet on the floor, to lead the effort at nursing care – is that sexist?
And then there is the Boston Symphony and the million people it attracts on the Fourth of July. Word has it that even before the show went on, they could only scrounge up two people well enough to play the trumpet. Forgot the chances with the bassoon. And to get that number of players with the almost infinite amount of lung capacity needed, they had to reach out to Wisconsin for – drum roll please – a tuba player. I hope that didn’t offend too many of you, as it is meant to be a slam not on those who are ill, but those who slam dance to the polka, and there are many. Ever see how big some of those old meat and potatoes Germans are when they fly around the floor, and careen out of control too close to Whoopie John? And we all thought moshing was dangerous.
The pope has chimed in more sternly than some of those in various flocks, calling getting vaccinated “an act of love.” So the Lutherans and other denominations – the Evangelicals are dragging – otherwise quickly weighed in, issuing statements saying that they for a change are one with those Catholics, at least their fearless leader, after listening to Schism by Tool several times through. “I’ve seen the pieces (of vaccination) fit …” Why can’t we not be sober? Just want to start this over. And as far as the Flock of Seagulls, it’s likely percentagewise that most everybody in the band but the girlfriend that broke it up has gone with the shot. Even Ozzy sang about that Shot In The Dark (pun intended).
They said that on the medal stand, the Olympians winning gold would have to stand alone, and the silver stand alone, and the bronze stand alone, and the brass – well they can have the delusions that they are actually titanium and merit such treatment. And that they would have to place these over their own necks themselves? That’s where the “rusty” old Irons Up (again on these pages, see the Iron Maiden video) veterans of Games Past pinch-hit.
And that stellar skier from the area whose Winter Games glory were, and I have to say it was tragically, cut short by the Covid? That really does bring tears, but where there’s that life-giving water, there’s a way, and if anyone has the talent to pull off such a Switchfoot, then it’s this Afton athlete. Seems with her skill-set, she could have added to her globe-wide glory by training in a slightly different way and putting her bid in as a water skier! But unlike synchronized bowling (see a past post) it is not a sport yet, so let’s get behind her even though she’s from The Enemy State and start a write-in campaign for official worldwide inclusion, all you Wisconsin Up-North Vacationers …
All of them noticed that in the life-span of a typical teen to get through high school, if they graduated on time and now that might be harder then ever, a newer bug has returned, and it is not another virus variant. The cicadas are back! But upon further review, seeing what new threats have come about in 17 years in our virus-laden world, they hedged their bets and decided they might be far better staying underground! Oh wait. Was that a different vermin?
I hope you all gained a laugh or two from this post, as that is what was intended, and it really helps these days. I also hope that no feelings were hurt in the production of this piece, although sometimes I could use a bit of monitoring.
But with all chuckling aside out there, be safe! And get home and may it be a safe haven, wherever that is. Joe.