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This is a laugh-and-a-half. Or a full two jokes, as I float one by you for The Fourth then use my final mulligan to finagle a second giggle. Ye can all laugh, even if ye be a Brit. Or a landlord? But mom?!? Or The Donald?

Twin jokes of the day follow.

Just got off the phone with my mom — and maybe my twin — and she asked me, after I stumbled around by saying I had just used a dining (or living room?) chair to create a brand spankin’ new pantry shelf, when does my rental company do my (semi)-annual apartment inspection?

Aaaaargh!

Please mom, anything but that …

I’ll even take the wheel under, or over, as it is, my do-it-right-always (I’m teasing twice) twin bro!

So I had to call mom again when, just 30 minutes and a few ticks untidelly later, there was a note in my door that the next day They Would Be Coming For Me …

So The Deed was done. All was reviewed including that dreaded closet. And the after-assessment was: “We as per our maker and by thus hereby decree, after firm and fastidious final and flawless analysis, and the full impending authority of He who reigns harsh over all means of commoners, and bylaw 40 of the subordinate ordinance six, and subchapter two, and all dotted tees and crossed eyes, that the hearby-under-examination-and-thus-entertained premises and where-to-with and what-not and forth-with is immediately deemed …

Generally untidy.”

What? After all that buildup and jargon? I coulda told you that! That’s the best you can do! No whipping of my soles and ankles?? How dare ye? Thanks mom.

Unquote.

Now part two of the joke follows, with my tail between my legs and underneath and undercage my under-seige (bleeped).

Did you hear that The Donald, done in kind and forthwith, has dared to utter the F word on camera? And doubling-down, made reference a few days later (now) to using “a certain word.”

How to respond, as a concerned constituent.

I will utilize my God Given and Inalienable As Liberty right as a citizen with full free speech still possessed, to counter this abridgment to us all by also saying …

Fuck.

Simple and done.

Gee that felt good. Did it for you, too, Donald? Let’s try it again, as a mantra.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Festively featured five-word fiasco as my mini-manifesto, Happy Fourth of July in this land of liberty. I may not be able to say that come next year. Did somebody bleep me or slay me with all three dashes or lashes this year?

Haha. Rebel With Blather, PBR Red and White and Blue Joe.

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