Contact us
Back to All Posts

This is a laugh-and-a-half. Or a full two jokes, as I float one by you for The Fourth then use my final mulligan to finagle a second giggle. Ye can all laugh, even if ye be a Brit. Or a landlord? But mom?!? Or The Donald?

Twin jokes of the day follow.

Just got off the phone with my mom — and maybe my twin — and she asked me, after I stumbled around by saying I had just used a dining (or living room?) chair to create a brand spankin’ new pantry shelf, when does my rental company do my (semi)-annual apartment inspection?

Aaaaargh!

Please mom, anything but that …

I’ll even take the wheel under, or over, as it is, my do-it-right-always (I’m teasing twice) twin bro!

So I had to call mom again when, just 30 minutes and a few ticks untidelly later, there was a note in my door that the next day They Would Be Coming For Me …

So The Deed was done. All was reviewed including that dreaded closet. And the after-assessment was: “We as per our maker and by thus hereby decree, after firm and fastidious final and flawless analysis, and the full impending authority of He who reigns harsh over all means of commoners, and bylaw 40 of the subordinate ordinance six, and subchapter two, and all dotted tees and crossed eyes, that the hearby-under-examination-and-thus-entertained premises and where-to-with and what-not and forth-with is immediately deemed …

Generally untidy.”

What? After all that buildup and jargon? I coulda told you that! That’s the best you can do! No whipping of my soles and ankles?? How dare ye? Thanks mom.

Unquote.

Now part two of the joke follows, with my tail between my legs and underneath and undercage my under-seige (bleeped).

Did you hear that The Donald, done in kind and forthwith, has dared to utter the F word on camera? And doubling-down, made reference a few days later (now) to using “a certain word.”

How to respond, as a concerned constituent.

I will utilize my God Given and Inalienable As Liberty right as a citizen with full free speech still possessed, to counter this abridgment to us all by also saying …

Fuck.

Simple and done.

Gee that felt good. Did it for you, too, Donald? Let’s try it again, as a mantra.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Festively featured five-word fiasco as my mini-manifesto, Happy Fourth of July in this land of liberty. I may not be able to say that come next year. Did somebody bleep me or slay me with all three dashes or lashes this year?

Haha. Rebel With Blather, PBR Red and White and Blue Joe.

Share the Post:

Related Posts

  • ‘Urban Table’ reopens after five months, minus the olive and vine name, but keeping the same old ambiance. It adds a coffee and wine bar, $3 premium drinks prepared under the eye of a barista and the advanced eatery knowledge that comes from the new owner, Ben Jung, a face you’ll recognize from nearby Hudco To Go, who says music is on the way, too, back to this staple Hudson venue.
They’ve added a coffee bar, so you can have a foray of seating for four on stools in front of it, a wine bar and a petite table for two directly in front of the southwest window, and plenty of inexpensive drinks, but other than that The Urban Table as it is known is much like the former Urban Olive and Vine before it. The man who is the brains behind Hudco To Go has brought those $3 premium drinks and more to the restaurant that is kitty-corner to the, again, southwest when you take Locust Street and venture onto...
Read More
  • What will Bruce, the top dogg, and Maiden mew about concerning the world when they make a stop in Shakopee? Plenty of tramau to pick from, even if they do not get irate about Iran, or emulate. But closer to home, others of my ilk have been to Italy and more lately, or just out in the garden tending to flowers and kitties.
So many problems in our world, US and UK. How and when to bitch? Waiting for them to be named by a sizeable band, if they shed light on politics and ethical behavior in general, can make you numb. Has anyone else noticed, as we get older and grayer, the similarity in facial look between two who are on vocals, first a rapper and second a metal singer, knotted-side-hair Snoop Dogg and long and straight-to-collar Bruce Dickinson, one who spews island drinks as opposed to the other homemade beer, as Iron Maiden continues on in their latest with a gigantic gaggle of groups with requisite...
Read More
  • Deaths and memorials. They do not stop with that given by Miley Cyrus for Dolly Parton. In what follows, I recount the recent musical remembrances of a local musician, as his father lay passing, and that by me in song for my own dad. And the resemblances therein. And a dream reflecting it all. (And newly added, we’ll Curry favor and Frank, and more on Dolly and the God she is close to.)
Just over two years ago, I sang solo an Iron Maiden song, Blood Brothers, slowly strummed via my cell phone to provide the instrumental, as the exact moment my dad was laid to his final rest under clay. A few weeks ago, one-man-band professional Jeff Loven, one of the best musicians I have ever heard and one with whom I have sung for 25 years, strummed the favorite Johnny Cash songs his father loved in the background for the last hour his dad had on this earth, the troubles of which Cash so frequently sang. Certainly, one of them was Hurt,...
Read More
  • Elsewhere on these pages: Bark at the cheese on the moon puns, and Brewers win 22-0 to reply while Twins sweep a contender. REplay to replenish.
Read More
  • For a post that has some of the cheesiest trivia-type references this side of the moon partway through, search elsewhere on this site to see it now displayed
Read More
A hodgepodge listing of everything that’s truly different but maybe baked porage follows, and we’re not talking about a connect-the-dots or puzzle-pieces contest or one on Trump’s foreign policy, haha, rather what I saw and what will be seen around town in recent times. Mostly, one of each. Think you have the world’s, or more likely local church’s, best grilled cheese sandwich, (coming from the land of, specifically, well curded and curdled milk and honey?) Fry it to the test on Saturday. No this is not an autumn chili cookoff, or char the best burger, or even a poker run...
Read More
Scroll to Top