Want to have a Halloween party of 700? Think you have the goods, as in candy? (Check below how I can help.) Or take your kids to places that do, all in a single big block. On Thursday, Halloween in advance, you can do such on Locust Street, kid-friendly, as there’ll be no foul insects here. *** And drop by my nearby place to gather more such stuff, with Joe’s odd as this is the holiday for thus, twist on things, so be prepared. Directions to me and my minions are near the end of this post.

To get in the Hilarious Historic Hudson All Hallows mood way early if you are a Baby Boomer, there is the annual trick-or-treat giveaway of kids candy on upper Locust Street by almost a dozen of its businesses, as they jump into the fray on Thursday, Oct. 26 — in the same block at The Smilin’ Moose, where you just might show up, if a classic rocker who can tolerate hip-hop heads for Halloween, in such a costume two days later.

Mark the longtime main guy behind the bannister at Micklesen Drug, a chief fixture of this occasion where they take a rare pass on their norm to kill off hyperglycemia — or is it hypo? — is waiting for you on the main Locust Street corner, and will help you amp up your blood sugar without taking it too far. He is quick with a joke and a light up your smoke — OK he would not recommend that end as he is a pharmacist — and there is no place that he’d rather be than giving away candy. He’ll tailor his trademark wit to the kiddies. Few if any jokes about locusts with way too many mutated legs and even more wings from bad use of his products, comprising an actual plague. And I will wait until a much, much more appropriate time to tell his bad — OK I prompted it — although hilarious, allegedly, tale of a third med-related green tail being grown and how he’d cure it with a hacksaw. Or is it the third one in his (spooky) garage. Or did I tell that tale of the (orange and/as the new black) tape to hold candy together already? And if the regulators are reading, this is not recommended reading for any of his clients. His actual knowledge — joking aside — of what meds can and can’t do for you is immense. So while you and yours get your grub …

Mark said they will typically get 300 to 400 trick-or-treaters in this 4-7 p.m. annual event, all held in just over a city block. Wait, he added, it could go as high as 700 in this club. That’s well over 200 an hour. Monster money made for M & Ms. The weather could potentially rain or sleet on this parade, or part of it, so we’ll shoot for a mid-range of 500. (Won’t have to feed the 5,000. That’s for the following All Saints Day.)

With those things in mind, consider hitting me up, a block up, for some candy and other creative kinds of treats — and more horrible tales about tails — as you go along that night, but the trick might be to get there early. First-come, first-serve, while supplies last, as hey, HudsonWiNightlife didn’t budget well and only had $5.37 under this heading. OK, I may have gotten the digits wrong, but you get the gist. (These days on social media you can get away with that qualification.)

*** I am now at the Buena Vista apartments just before the stoplight at Vine and Second, giving away what I’ll broadly and simply call stuff. Just know that with that said, this is Ugly Kid Joe, (music related costume), if you remember the band when they opened in the Twin Cities for Ozzy, and I was in attendance gathering (future Halloween-ish from the Master Keeper) tips, that’s what we’re talking about here. So you get what you get, as says one of his followers. See if you can tell what slightly-upper patio I’ll be on, so I can get the drop on you.

Also on Thursday, the Octagon House in the Third Street Historic District “kicks off” its Halloween season, and you’ll be just dying to get in there, and give an arm and a leg to participate in a series on ongoing tours. On this day, the deathly topic for the ages is Victorian superstitions and ghost stories, and on the 28th and 29th is death customs of the 1800s. Centuries old scares and not for the faint of (disemboweled) heart. On Halloween itself, there’s the haunt with the Octagon witches, and they put it best this way: “Double double toil and trouble … The cauldron burns and The Octagon bubbles.”

Couldn’t of said it better myself. Although I will try when all the little locusts arrive, starting Thursday late afternoon.

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