Zero is the worst zonk of puns, but here we go, as this $1.00 or free — but not frozen as in fixed-in-place — festivity figure is everywhere. Opening and bar-closing bartimes, for holidays included, end in double zeros, regarding the oh-so-cold poured from your 99-percent-reliability tap-hose. So now, zero in on some really bad wordplay zingers … And 99, one short, can be fine too, or at least play into the joke … Which continues on the zero tolerance theme, such as in use word-wise of the term of the day, Super Bowl.

The best price is, of course, zero, as is zilch. Or as this is not zero tolerance, at least with the presence of zeros, (rather than the obligatory 99-cent ending two digits, or at least 49-cent, and that could be the alcohol proof of it also, with the proof in the $1.00 pudding.) So with that said, for me when I’m buying Bud Zero not in a 1.0 liter, or 30-pack, but a 12-pack, I’m looking for something between probably, $9.00 and $10.00. (And there are no 10 packs.) That last stat could play into whether you blow a 0.08 or a 0.10, and get a 10-year term or $10,000 fine.

— Zeros, that number(s) come(s) up again …
At our “group mailbox” of dozens to pick from, but only one your own, I saw a friend trying to access her end with her key. (That went badly one time, but that’s another multifaceted story for later.)
I entered the conversation with my usual bad joke. So did someone send you some money? Damn no, she said, minus the vulgarity, so zero dollars ahead? I don’t quite remember it for sure. Bills, such as like taxes … Lottery winnings? Don’t count your chickens until well after they are past egg stage, and laid to rest and on your BBQ’d or teriyaki’d plate, lemon-butter at Perkins might be cheaper. At this point she was still smiling, but edging way, although quite slowly. It could just be (wishful thinking as per my social-status graces?) because she uses a wheelchair.
But we agreed as one, they that are all those mailings, still end up in zeros, just depends on how many, and if metamorphically. Hopefully you still get at least 99 cents (it’s something), rather than zeros that gain you zilch, of such described. —

So leave it to Total Wine (as in a booze-warehouse-building and if an item exists they have it, with no zeros for inventory) in Milwaukee to change it up on me, put the zero in an odd place and charge $9.09. And at that price, under the ten-dollar-and-zero-cent barometer that’s the usual benchmark for determining sales tax, I still had a tax of $0.55, the same exact figure as in St. Croix County — with its $0.055 percent rate — for a set of cans costing $1.00 in total more.
This was bought at about 10:00:00, or that’s what the receipt tells me, for the store street address ending in two zeros, like their 12-pack price that I had yearned for.
This purchase was made on the morning of Christmas Eve, and I was told that if I’d wait a bit beyond 10 a.m., but not more than 10 hours, I could buy a gift bottle — for around the same price? — and have the recipient’s name engraved for zero dollars. Wouldn’t that make the bottle leak? The store was open on this holiday night not until 9:00 p.m. but rather 8:00 p.m., so 60 minutes more to gift shop elsewhere by its employees. On Christmas Day they’d be open a total of zero hours. Their flyer says, again, sleigh gift-giving. Is that how we create a red-nosed reindeer? But their employees would slay that thought after 8:00.
Down there in beer city, they have that ungodly higher sales tax rate for your brew, compared to pristine (even prissy?) St. Croix County. That is $0.01 more in tax for every $1.00, which becomes a turbo rate at $100 if you pay $10,000. Plus your typical tip of $1.00, and god forbid not $0.00, or meet in the middle at $0.50? And that $0.01 stat comes into play again when taking in the 99 brand of shot-in-a-small-bottle set of liquors — that’s meagerly nearing the $1.00 figure in both price and alcohol proof. So you will pay $.01 less than $1.00 for these.
Then the latest Total Wine coupon, which I even get up here in these parts unknown, offers $20.00 off wine or 10.0 percent off spirits (of a type under 100 proof I’m assuming) for 750.0 ml or larger. (Excludes also items priced higher than $0.01 less than $500.) One wine is named 90, I know not why.
I saw in a commercial a zany bit on zeros where two people, as in one couple, at a bar I’m guessing, quibbled over the $2.00 left, so $1.00 for each person, so again meet in the middle? And who takes care of the added tip of $0.40, if figured at 20 percent?
I also spied at again, $0.01 short of $1.00 for canned fruit at a local grocer, so you get fruit for your cocktail. With an expiration date of … what … practically zero in terms of time. Like 10-year-old fruitcake. OK, that may be stretching it.
In the far more than 100-year downtown, Brick’s Pizza, with longlasting ovens, for the last 1.0 months has celebrated being open for 1.0 years short of 20 years. (More coming on their new V-Day promotion. Zero chance you will miss it, if you act before time zero. Like at Green Mill also, as it will be ground zero before their new sign acometh, zoning in on specials galore.)
At bookends there are all those budding, with sales, Kwik Trip convenience stores, and their non-sale prices for bananas, onions and potatos that started at $0.01 short of 20 cents for one pound, back about 20 years ago, then amped up to such as 30 and 40 and now 50.
Lastly, referring back to the earlier post largely on Wild winger Zach Parise — and I will doubledown on it — he recently turned 1.0 years short of the big 40, and is embarking on his renewed career of 1.0 years short of 20 years. That’s one-half of his life. See more on that in a post below.
And to think I went through this total rehash with you — but I withheld the hash as it is way more than a zero-percenter, if you know what I mean — when you have zero time. But if you are active on the internet … And as such on X, or is it actually 0? XXs and OOs. So as you like it, or don’t, I’ll bet my last penny that when signing that former term, as your name on the sing-it list, that they do not have zero-tolerance for karaoke.
I’ll stop now. Zero chance.

Share the Post:

Related Posts

It was clear to me at the most recent Jeff Loven music show in Hudson, for Memorial Day weekend, that there has been a changing of the guard. The sword has been passed. New blood, like Yungblud, has been brought in. And, I must say, loyalty — amongst the devotees who travel frequently and all across the two-state area to virtually all of Jeff’s shows — has been rewarded. They are the royalty, in what just makes good business sense that I can appreciate. In a significant but not unprecedented altering of course, I was not one of those asked...
Trial by fire. My broiling heart in my efficiency flat still beats a bit, in concern over those boiling over in worse apartments in a Chicago tenancy, or on an ocean island instantly-burn-your-feet beach or dessert, or forced to endure ice baths just to keep cool — or simply be offered no way to maintain an ice-dripping body other than also read a non-cookbook at the library, or select not a big steak you can’t afford but a 73/27 burger from a freezer and slap it on your forehead. Just not too hard. All these things are ones where you especially today either burn or...
This is a truly awfuI, twisted tale of villains and heroes, powerful ale if used carefully, giant beasties and smaller hobbyts, but also renewal and redemption. I will ascrybe to an ancient rytual, back to when the tyme gyant lyzyrds peered into second story wyndows of apartment byldings and no amount of walls could keep them out of such urban non-placated places, save this practice that annually, about this tyme of three-day holiday, would save humanity for another year.  So in this spryng fertility ryte, go consume copious quantities of hunhy grhym cr’krz and jinjer biyr, deprived of its alcohol as worshippers need to be sober-headed...
Here goes the ultimate list of lingo, even if it languishes, in no particular long order, as we go at length into the different kinds of businesses you will find in this locale, starting the list and at its last, two of the many art galleries in our downtown: — Feminist power, love and generosity, and to double your fun, framing, art tchotchkes and earrings, all at the biggest little art and collectables gallery you will see mid-block. — Community, commerce and tourism, touted at the Hudson Area Chamber of Commerce and Tourism Bureau, in a blatant suck up to...
As far as, for starters, the old announcement, “passing on the right,” this was said to me just now by a beautifully tanked woman in a bikini, owning the downtown sidewalk. She was slightly gasping and moaning as she almost carressed my side going by. I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to read anything into that … Spring has past sprung, we’ve finally had some really hotter weather, and a young man’s heart turns to thoughts of … e-cycling and skateboarders going past. In the last couple of weeks, you can see them again all around our sidewalks and byways, busy and not...
A door on the side of a downtown conglomerate of stores, the front not back door, has a sign telling delivery drivers to deposit items in back — but the sign is flipped upside down since the tape slipped. A blipped language I don’t speak. But that’s not the only thing that’s flipped in the downtown. Lots of stores are either open as we speak, or will be soon. We’re talking still in May, maybe, and mostly earlier than later. While we wait with baited breath for the full opening of Max’s Social House. And a pub or another hub...
Scroll to Top