Only a fool would pass up the chance to read the following column! Unless, of course, you think it’s all just an April Fools Day prank.

— On April Fool’s Day, a car on First Street got the treatment, not to a car wash but having dozens of cotton balls stuck to its hoods and doors. This caused the patrons of Dick’s Bar and Grill, when they were told, to wonder if it happened to be there’s that was thus pranked. I also wondered aloud what the cotton balls symbolized and was told — duh — that there had been a chance of snow. Chad behind the bar had an even better prank to tell, conducted by one of his former co-workers who now has an office job. The guy put up a sign on the copier that said the firmware had been changed and that its operation is now voice activated. You can imagine the laughs that brought; suffice it to say a lot of people were caught talking to the copier, and going on and on and on. This also prompted me to tell Chad that at my advanced age, sometimes my firmware has great trouble being activated. Chad’s other April Fool’s Day mention: A guy who lives near an inactive volcano, obviously not locally, hauled to the top of it a whole bunch of tires and set them on fire, causing a scene that really startled his neighbors. Lastly, a man was profiled on the television news for a prank with another kind of drink. He affixed a cup of coffee to his car roof and drove around all day, causing people including a cop to pull him over and alert him, assuming he’d forgotten it there.
— Two men were sitting at Green Mill and talking about crazily celebrating St. Patrick’s Day in St. Paul, particularly at Alary’s, the notorious former strip club that is now a Chicago Bears bar — yes, you read that right — and also is the unofficial law enforcement and firefighter bar of the Twin Cities. Oh, and did I mention that the female servers wear bikinis, causing Eddie Vetter of Pearl Jam to say it has the most beautiful women in the Cities, and to make it a point to stop in whenever he has an area concert. One of the men at Green Mill noted that he lives in the apartments near Alary’s, which does indeed have a Hudson connection. At least seven of the women who have worked there are from the Hudson area, and one of my longtime friends, Bree, went on to a successful modeling career. Also, it was a Hudson women and worker who took legal action after the Vulcans made one of their stops by and their leader on that trip allegedly sexually assaulted her.
— Green Mill had four featured Irish drinks around the St. Patrick’s Day holiday that all told were made with 12 different ingredients. Also, Hefty’s in Bayport had an Irish drink that had six different ingredients in one glass alone.
— Also on St. Patrick’s Day, many of the dozens of hats, traditional and otherwise, that were hung all over the ceiling at Guv’s Place in Houlton were distributed to prize winners — but the proprietor had to get on a ladder to do so. That was also needed to access the green themed T-shirts they sold out of. An example was the one that said “World’s tallest leprechaun.”
— Seen at Dick’s on that day was a man with a green vest, to go with ear studs that also had been colored green. And over at Ellie’s on Main, a woman sported a miniskirt that was accented by white stockings adorned with dozens of Irish insignias.
— During the championship college hockey tournament, which was being aired at Dick’s, the Minnesota Gophers played a team named the Beavers. Would that make this the Rodent Bowl, I asked the bartenders? The response: It could be worse, as far as not striking fear into the hearts of the opponent, as the other Oregon team is nicknamed the Ducks.