Big fireworks? Especially if you find out you’re a father!
— Rock radio station 93X is teaming with Hudson’s Settler’s Liquor to sponsor tickets for a big, floating-party cruise on the St. Croix River over the Fourth of July. The promos that target a Twin Cities audience have been frequent, and unlike some on the radio touting this area as a destination — apparently for geographically challenged stoners — at least didn’t say that to get here all you must do is venture past Woodbury. Things are apparently different in that ‘burb. It makes one recall the time at Woody’s in Bayport where a man turned down a second drink, and a friend made the throat slash motion to indicate that he’d cut himself off, then said: “He’s dry. He’s from Woodbury.”
— But for floating mega-parties, nothing beats the one with several huge cruisers roped together on the St. Croix near — aptly — Beer Can Island, which allegedly feature better fireworks than most municipalities, rock bands and also virtually anything else you might want. An acquaintance named Nate said invites are hard to score, but that he’d get me one so I could “cover” it as a journalist, providing I use some discretion in just what I write. Alas, the local newspaper said no dice, since such a report might steal the thunder from city officials as far as the fireworks display they sponsor.
One other reason, to take Nate up on his offer? He insists that someone who would fit right into such a scene, actress Pamela Anderson, became a family friend before Baywatch fame when traveling here to have her taxes done each year. She still visits on occasion. Makes the whole Mary Anne vs. Ginger thing seem blase, eh?
— Lastly for the Fourth, one of those ads you see on the wall above the bathroom urinal made a pitch for lining up their commercial fireworks display for your party. It listed all kinds of occasions to celebrate, including divorces! Yep, bet that could cause some fireworks, if they weren’t had already. And I won’t even get into the possibilities for the category “weddings.”
— But moving on to skewer yet another holiday. On Father’s Day, Kozy Korner in North Hudson ran a sign saying that dads would be offered a free drink. Which is great, but made some of us wonder: Would you need to prove that you’re someone’s father to get it? Say, by supplying results of a paternity test? Or, getting out the dozens of pictures of your dozen children in your wallet, and showing them annoyingly until the bartender says in exasperation, take this drink and go, please?
Another actual bartender had her own — funnier — Dad’s Day story. She said jokingly that when she had gotten up in the morning, there was a man in her bed, and upon waking she smiled and said, “Happy Father’s Day!” He allegedly sprung into action even faster than the previous night, and was out the door before she could even get his phone number or address — or see the pictures of his dozen other children!
— Lastly, here’s a guy you want on your rec basketball team, and possibly in your office tournament pool to reduce the odds. Rich, a near seven-footer, had an NBA tryout, and he’s usually very good at assessing talent. But he said that during the recent NCAA tourney, he lost a few bucks here and there on small wagers when he picked the wrong squad.
But here’s a guy who really has game. He was watching his favorite team at Guv’s Place in Houlton with a baseball hat that on the front had a Gamecock prominently displayed — in a way that I’m not even going to go into.

Of closures, of the road and roadhouse:
— It seems Hefty’s Roadhouse in Bayport has lost its weight. About a-week-and-half ago, a surprising out-of-the-blue sign was posted on its front and back doors saying “Due to unforeseen circumstances, Hefty’s is closed.” In other words, after less than a year of operation, there will be no more creative Habareno-pepper-laced dishes, quasi-witty signs displayed all over the walls, and in what had been catching on, bean bag tournaments on the back patio and lawn. Front-facade spotlights continue to be run at night, and a truck for a construction business that shares some of the next-door-over space in the building can still be seen parked regularly in the small lot across from the patio. The owners of Hefty’s could not be reached for comment.
— Bad storms last Friday and Saturday in the early morning changed the mix of things. One of the Green Mill’s main competitors suffered a power outage, and the Green Mill was much busier than usual, as has been its trend lately, but this time much more so as people were lined up at the bar three-deep. A few days later in the evening, there were seven repair trucks seen parked when you take into consideration its lot and the northern side of the one for Shanghai Bistro.
— Sometimes “public safety” isn’t so much the case. Repair work on Interstate 94 between the two Hudson exits meant that there was only one lane of traffic late at night on weekdays — and vehicles merging onto it from the Carmichael Road ramp had to come to a near stop to do so. Workers’ equipment was at some times being operated so close to the lane of traffic that it edged onto the painted stripes. But of most concern is that when making what needs to be a very sudden exit to go to the downtown, a worker didn’t see me and ambled directly in front of my car. I immediately hit the brakes and stopped just a few feet short of him. He didn’t notice me until I had already braked substantially, and even then just took a quick half-step backwards. It should be noted that the exit ramp was temporarily designed to be wider than one lane.
On the lighter side of road repair, a lighted “test” sign along the median of the same area has been redundant to the point of being humorous. At times it has displayed the word “test” nine times in the shape of a tic-tac-toe game, and at other junctures has included the numerical phrase “123.” I wonder if like myself, they get paid by the word.
— I saw a couple of my favorite service industry workers, known for their long locks, when they stopped in after competing in a sporting event. I asked the “blond bombers” how the game went, only to be told I had the wrong sport — they don’t compete on a ball diamond, rather a sand volleyball court. Also, a man who often sits a few seats down and has a bit of a receding hairline, but also for years has had long and flowing blond locks ala Mickey Rourke in his wrestling movie, recently got almost all of it cut off! Will this be a Sampson thing? Will he retain the title?

Fore: What for? Some killer shades:

— It’s amazing what some younger people know about pop culture from back before they were born. A server friend of mine, Brooke, who works at Green Mill, strolled in the door wearing some amped up sunglasses, and I joked about them looking like Foster Grants. She knew all about the brand, back to when the pitch person was a very young Rachel Welch! The other day, she ventured over and said that while watching the tube, she saw that the new spokesmodel was another Brooke, that being Shields, and not from her Blue Lagoon Days, but currently.
— The golf season is well underway, and the Golf Network is often being shown at sports bars. One of the up-and-comers who is getting some fine finishes, Steve Stricker, got part of his start right here in the Hudson area. The Nationwide Tour was in full force as a stepping stone to the PGA, and there was a regular stop at Troy Burne south of town. As a sports reporter, I photographed Stricker winning one of those tournaments, years before his current glory days. During one of those other meets, I was directed to follow around a young man from Fargo and take photo after photo for virtually the entire tournament. The man was related to one of the head honchos at Forum Communications in Fargo, and he pulled rank to persuade the local paper, the Star-Observer, to free up a reporter for the better part of a week. The Star-Observer is owned by Forum Communications. So if you didn’t see a shot of little Johnnie hitting a home run that week …
— I’ve reported before on this web page that that a bartender friend, Michelle, has a (not so) secret crush on Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers. So I had to tease her that as part of a marketing promotion, a lucky fan would be invited to “spend a night in Braun’s suite.” She gave a disappointed little pout when I informed her that (1) that suite was a luxury box at the ballpark, not a room elsewhere, and (2) the offer is being rescinded since the suite is now given as a perk to the administrator who will decide on the latest round of his steroid allegations. (OK I made that last sentence up).
— Speaking of Michelle, she engaged myself and an out-of-town visitor in fantastic conversation just the other day. It came up that a favorite cartoon character is a creature called Sharkopus, and we think that he just might reside in the St. Croix River. (Does regular patron “Bones,” who insists that Hudson has tree leaches and other mysterious quasi-marine animals, know about this?) The visitor also said that he works for a railroad company and was sent up here from Kansas City for the sole business purpose of attending a pair of meetings, both of which only went ten minutes. So he had some time to kill talking about Sharkopus. (Revoke this man’s expense account!)
— It is now what we hope will be an extended summer, which means music festivals, and a recent one in River Falls that featured folk tunes filled most of the venues that entire weekend. One twist I didn’t expect was an offering at the West Wind supper club, which is more known for their food than having bands. The West Wind was the only place in town to have a music offering that Sunday night, and a packed house watched them play.