Size AA, AAA or DD? All here in Hudson. They are batteries plus and more, buttercup! Or more specifically a (Naturally) Naked Root plant and planter sale, as Hudson Blooms, that could also conjure up other crazy corrolations.

I don’t know what this is, exactly, but I know I want a part of it.

There is a Naked Root plant sale at Farrill’s Sunrise Nursery and Garden Center that’s located east of, as in rural, Hudson, away from semi-urban congestion, on two days on each of the next two weekends, including this one according to their sign, rounding out April with extended sale days.

That could, it seems to me, correspond with the release — as a knockoff — of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Think just a bit of Knock Weed, or knotweed, barely covering a beauty from the sports world on a beach — and there were again a few tall but not-so-cold ones to pick from in the latest go around, from around the world — such as a gymnast, or basketball or volleyball dunker or spiker, or one of those NFL sideline correspondents or anchors, such as the one who turned heads by getting too cozy with an NFL football coach. There has not been a local in its pages since Heidi Rayder (not Klum), a supermodel who grew up in River Falls, since the early 2000s. Apparently her nickname of Frankie was not that marketable, for future generations. On the nature theme, they aren’t quite old enough, either, to remember Naked and Afraid, do the hunters and gatherers garden too … I’ll let you connect the dots on a corollary. But on that idea, there might be a return of a spread on Martha Stewart. Local protege Rebecca Kolls, close to a similar age, has not chimed in.

Now we’re back to reality. Or with 4-20 coming, Naked Root could be a name for some really fun stuff, if you know what I mean. And even mushrooms are often grown underground. Put all this together, and you could have a party. Or the latest wonderdrug of a strictly medicinal nature. Or a new blend of the two.

But seriously folks, kidding aside, Naked Root means this: Planters that are crafted with nature in mind, as in allowing roots to breathe freely and avoid waterlogging and suffocation. There are things like a root zone oxygen planter and some that allow replanting. Personally, I like anything prepared with a few holes in the front.

But with mom? The company’s website points out, for sales value, that Mother’s Day is coming. Maybe mom really loves gardening. But please don’t let her that she needs to get a life, or get out, outside the garden. Or maybe you’re giving her a message to grow more interests. Or are just going to put her to work in the family garden, read as your garden.

The website map also references the nearby Clapp Waterfowl Protection Area. Hey, the ducks and the geese that follow them around the area, might take a honking hankering to the roots that this sale offers. Do they like to eat them and their above-ground offspring?

Forthwith, (as in a four-score of plant plats?), the Hudson VFW Auxiliary hosts its inaugural (so the alliteration means it requires AA batteries??) community plant sale. Eight categories of plant styles are proposed (really one says simply “flats of.”) The pretty flowers pictured … not as many categories shown, it’s only an 8-by-11 sheet of paper on the wall. In both gardening and publishing, that’s one Kolls could help with. Or that cool photographer who was online with a single krocus shown sprouting from amid a bed of dead oak leaves, (although to be fair there was a second green spout in the corner.)

To order from the Auxiliary, contact www.HudsonBlooms.org. The store displaying the ad also is selling Articulated Dinosaurs promising Dino Adventures. That’s two more AA batteries, plus two DD size, we assume. Heard you can have it all for the discounted rate of three AAA batteries, and they throw in a pinup war-time-style poster of one of the auxiliary ladies, and to fully get the gag, look at the previous sentence(s). Just kidding on all counts.

With all this said, luv the idea of gymnast Livvy Dunne donning yet another swimsuit and agreeing to a recurring appearance on the Baywatch remake on FOX! (Do these animals also roam the grounds where bikini-clad babes meet forested lands (we just skipped over the prairie, and its dogs, entirely.) But for once the FOX channel is good for something! And even sitting through the evening news, you’re bound to see the usual TV blatantly promotional trailers aired. But for you ladies who don’t garden, no David Hasslehoff.

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